"In life, there are no ordinary moments. Most of us never really recognize the most significant moments of our lives when they're happening." --Kathleen Magee
It is important to be present in our lives. Sometimes we are so caught up in the daily grind, the worries about everything going on in the world, planning too far into the future...that we lose sight of what is going around us and within us. Today, pause and look around you: who is beside you, what were your joys of today, and how is your body feeling with this growing baby inside of you?
Take a moment to really let life sink in. Thank the people beside you that have been supportive and loving in your life. Cuddle with your pets. Pat your tummy--allow yourself to feel thankful for this little miracle growing inside of you. Indeed, these are not just ordinary moments...unless you let them slip by.
Now is the time to begin being "awake" in our lives--when you have this baby, the moments will slip by all too quickly. Learn to relish the wonderful moments in your life now. You will look back on this pregnancy and time in your life later and wish you could re-experience parts of it again. It is easier to count your blessings when you have slowed down enough to reflect.
For this week, help me to slow down and take an inventory of what is going on in my life. Help me to live in the present, enjoy the moment, and not to obsess about the future. After all, I don't have control of the future, but I can enjoy today. Help me to focus on the good and positive aspects of life and the people around me.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Remembering
"There are disappointments that wring us ,there are those which inflict a wound whose mark we bear to our graves. Such are so keen that no future gratification of the same desire can ever obliterate them: they become registered as a permanent loss of happiness." --Thomas Hardy, A PAIR OF BLUE EYES
It is surprising to some women how much they still think about their lost baby or babies. It's common to remember them on their due dates, around the time they were conceived, on the date of your miscarriage, at holidays, or when you see a child who is the same age that your child would have been. These rememberings can often crop up at random times like during a movie, in a dream, or in a sad moment alone. They were a part of you and some women find it hard to totally let go. Everyone has a different experience with this--and this is OK. Even now that you're pregnant again, you may still find your mind drifting to your lost angel or angels.
One of the hardest parts about miscarriage can be how you feel so alone with it. In one book about miscarriage, it begins by saying "Welcome to a lonely club..." Often couples haven't told anyone they were pregnant and they then suffer silently. Even couples who have shared the joyful news of pregnancy with others, still feel alone because no one "knew" the baby. In reading Elizabeth Edward's memoir, SAVING GRACES, which discussed the death of their teenage son, she mentions how she doesn't want anyone to forget about his existence. You may identify with this concept and feel strongly that you don't want yourself or anyone else to forget about the existence of this very tiny soul.
For this week, think about if there is a way you can keep your lost baby in your heart and still move on with your current life. Is there something special you can do on a yearly/monthly basis that will help you remember the life that was lost to you? How can remembering your lost baby or babies help you free yourself to love this new baby that you are carrying? There are many ways that one can symbolically remember their lost child. One grief website had an option to post your miscarriage date and it becomes "the day my angel got its wings." That may feel comforting. One could plant a tree or flowers, donate to a children's charity, write a poem for the lost child, say a prayer at night, or support miscarriage or women's health research. Think about what ways of remembering might hold meaning for you--they may help you to continue to heal and allow you to keep moving forward in your own pregnancy. If you aren't comfortable remembering, why not?
Help me to connect with the little soul or souls that I have lost along this path to motherhood. If it comforting to me, help me to find a way to remember that unborn child in a special way. If it is more comforting to me to let the baby or babies go, then please help me to release him/her to the heavens. Help me to hold a stillness in my heart for the losses, as well as an openness in my heart for this new and healthy life inside of me.
It is surprising to some women how much they still think about their lost baby or babies. It's common to remember them on their due dates, around the time they were conceived, on the date of your miscarriage, at holidays, or when you see a child who is the same age that your child would have been. These rememberings can often crop up at random times like during a movie, in a dream, or in a sad moment alone. They were a part of you and some women find it hard to totally let go. Everyone has a different experience with this--and this is OK. Even now that you're pregnant again, you may still find your mind drifting to your lost angel or angels.
One of the hardest parts about miscarriage can be how you feel so alone with it. In one book about miscarriage, it begins by saying "Welcome to a lonely club..." Often couples haven't told anyone they were pregnant and they then suffer silently. Even couples who have shared the joyful news of pregnancy with others, still feel alone because no one "knew" the baby. In reading Elizabeth Edward's memoir, SAVING GRACES, which discussed the death of their teenage son, she mentions how she doesn't want anyone to forget about his existence. You may identify with this concept and feel strongly that you don't want yourself or anyone else to forget about the existence of this very tiny soul.
For this week, think about if there is a way you can keep your lost baby in your heart and still move on with your current life. Is there something special you can do on a yearly/monthly basis that will help you remember the life that was lost to you? How can remembering your lost baby or babies help you free yourself to love this new baby that you are carrying? There are many ways that one can symbolically remember their lost child. One grief website had an option to post your miscarriage date and it becomes "the day my angel got its wings." That may feel comforting. One could plant a tree or flowers, donate to a children's charity, write a poem for the lost child, say a prayer at night, or support miscarriage or women's health research. Think about what ways of remembering might hold meaning for you--they may help you to continue to heal and allow you to keep moving forward in your own pregnancy. If you aren't comfortable remembering, why not?
Help me to connect with the little soul or souls that I have lost along this path to motherhood. If it comforting to me, help me to find a way to remember that unborn child in a special way. If it is more comforting to me to let the baby or babies go, then please help me to release him/her to the heavens. Help me to hold a stillness in my heart for the losses, as well as an openness in my heart for this new and healthy life inside of me.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Seeking Your Internal Home
"Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own." --Oprah Winfrey
It can be such a challenge to silence our minds and the world around us. We are bombarded everyday with so much information, things to remember, places to go, people to see, errands to run, people to listen to...it can be truly overwhelming. This can feel particularly relevant in the midst of reproductive challenges and fears--in addition to the normal chatter of life, there are more doctor's appointments, tests to be done, family and friends to update, and partners who also need their thoughts and feelings validated. Of course, one is also supposed to manage work, a home, pets, and your own aching self! Now you may be feeling burdened with people's comments about your current pregnancy...or you may have chosen to keep the pregnancy quiet for the time being, which comes with its own set of difficulties, too.
Wherever you are for today, make time to quiet your mind and begin listening to yourself. How are youfeeling today? If you heart could speak, what would it say? Are you listening to yourself or does it feel odd to "check in" with yourself? In my therapy work with adolescents, I often discuss the concept of an "internal home" with them. In life, it is often comforting if you have a place inside that you can go to when you need comfort, hope, sustenance, or guidance. This should be a place of peacefulness and should reflect your authentic self--it should feel like a home inside yourself. For me, I picture sitting on a rock beach on Flathead Lake in Montana. It is a spot I've visited since my childhood and feels familiar, safe, and comforting to me. It captures much of what I hold sacred: the sound of water, a clear horizon, mountains above the shore, a spiritual presence, and wonderful memories of family and childhood. I can hear my own voice there--and it's great that I can access it anytime if I just slow down and close my eyes for a few minutes.
What is your internal home like? Do you often visit it and does it bring you comfort? Do you like being able to rely on yourself to soothe and heal the broken parts? Or do you prefer talking things through with a friend or loved one? Are there times when it might be good to tune everyone else out for a moment? What do you wish for your unborn baby in this regard? The better you are equipped to nurture yourself...the easier it will be to nurture your little baby on the way.
This week, help me to take a few moments to quiet the world around me. Help me to take a few deep breaths and really check in with myself. If I am uncomfortable being alone with myself, help me recognize that...and help me begin to prepare for moments of solitary strength and confidence that will be needed on this journey to motherhood. All that I do today to become more self-aware will benefit myself and my child.
It can be such a challenge to silence our minds and the world around us. We are bombarded everyday with so much information, things to remember, places to go, people to see, errands to run, people to listen to...it can be truly overwhelming. This can feel particularly relevant in the midst of reproductive challenges and fears--in addition to the normal chatter of life, there are more doctor's appointments, tests to be done, family and friends to update, and partners who also need their thoughts and feelings validated. Of course, one is also supposed to manage work, a home, pets, and your own aching self! Now you may be feeling burdened with people's comments about your current pregnancy...or you may have chosen to keep the pregnancy quiet for the time being, which comes with its own set of difficulties, too.
Wherever you are for today, make time to quiet your mind and begin listening to yourself. How are youfeeling today? If you heart could speak, what would it say? Are you listening to yourself or does it feel odd to "check in" with yourself? In my therapy work with adolescents, I often discuss the concept of an "internal home" with them. In life, it is often comforting if you have a place inside that you can go to when you need comfort, hope, sustenance, or guidance. This should be a place of peacefulness and should reflect your authentic self--it should feel like a home inside yourself. For me, I picture sitting on a rock beach on Flathead Lake in Montana. It is a spot I've visited since my childhood and feels familiar, safe, and comforting to me. It captures much of what I hold sacred: the sound of water, a clear horizon, mountains above the shore, a spiritual presence, and wonderful memories of family and childhood. I can hear my own voice there--and it's great that I can access it anytime if I just slow down and close my eyes for a few minutes.
What is your internal home like? Do you often visit it and does it bring you comfort? Do you like being able to rely on yourself to soothe and heal the broken parts? Or do you prefer talking things through with a friend or loved one? Are there times when it might be good to tune everyone else out for a moment? What do you wish for your unborn baby in this regard? The better you are equipped to nurture yourself...the easier it will be to nurture your little baby on the way.
This week, help me to take a few moments to quiet the world around me. Help me to take a few deep breaths and really check in with myself. If I am uncomfortable being alone with myself, help me recognize that...and help me begin to prepare for moments of solitary strength and confidence that will be needed on this journey to motherhood. All that I do today to become more self-aware will benefit myself and my child.
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