Hope

"Perhaps this very instant is your time." -Louise Bogan

Let yourself indulge for a moment that quite possibly this is your time! Most likely, this pregnancy is taking root deep in your body and you are moving towards knowing this baby. It is OK to allow yourself to think about this new life, imagine if it might be a boy or a girl, and begin to love this child. It is natural to be thinking this way and beginning to bond with this baby growing inside of you...even if you've suffered a loss, or losses. Each miscarriage survivor handles her first trimester in her own way--some try to pretend they're not pregnant, some are full of hope, some try to stay grounded, or some have a combination of emotions. Every strategy to cope through the first trimester is really an attempt to protect yourself emotionally should you suffer another pregnancy loss. There really is no way to protect yourself from that pain if indeed you suffer another loss--you will grieve and eventually get back on your path to parenthood.

Hope is an amazing emotion--so necessary for one's spirit, sense of resilience, and courage to keep living each day. There are many challenges in life--aside from miscarriage and fertility problems--and most people need a morsel of hope to get through the hard times. Hope and the belief that there is good in the world, is what helps to get us out of bed on the days in life when we fear we can't do it. It is important to remember that there is always hope on this path to parenthood. With each passing day, your chance of miscarriage becomes less likely and it is important to hold onto this hope. Miscarriage is unique from some losses in that you have the opportunity to try again--and this is a blessing that you should pause to recognize.

What is your particular style of handling this precarious first trimester? Are you trying to pretend that you're not pregnant? Do you allow yourself a few fleeting moments of happiness about this baby? How do you think anxiety affects your body and your baby? Do you sometimes feel guilty enjoying this pregnancy because you miss your lost baby or babies? How has hope played a role in your life?

Help me to realize that I am not jinxing myself if I begin to love this baby. If I suffer another miscarriage, I will be devastated--whether I allowed myself to rejoice in this pregnancy or whether I pretended it did not exist. Help me to send little waves of positive energy and love to help this baby grow inside of me. Bless my lost baby, or babies, and let them know how much I miss them. Help me to understand that my excitement and love for this new baby in no way diminishes my love for my lost baby, or babies. Help me to indulge in hope this week.