Girlfriends

"Turning her head to look at each of her friends...she saw them as she had never before. They seemed to glow from within, like there were lanterns inside their bodies. They looked very old to her, and very young all at once. They looked invincible and utterly, utterly, fragile. Their bodies were the density and weight that had anchored her, that made her more real. She looked up at them and flooded with gratitude." --Rebecca Wells,YA-YA SISTERHOOD

Female friendships are so important in our lives. Many women feel a sense of kinship to other women that we don't find in other close relationships. Women can be silly together, cry together, or be a sounding board for one another. Sometimes all we want is to feel heard and often a girlfriend is just the person to hear us out. Women who have suffered miscarriage often feel comforted sharing their experience with other women. It can be helpful to share about your loss over the previous pregnancy--especially, if you have a friend that has likewise suffered a miscarriage. Being pregnant again, you want to share some of your excitement and anxiety with someone other than your partner--and girlfriends can be great for that too.

However, a woman who has experienced miscarriage or fertility problems can often feel alone among women. During the childbearing years, many women are pregnant and having babies with seemingly no difficulty--you might feel surrounded by these women. Though miscarriage is common, some women don't talk about their experiences of loss and there is still much shame about pregnancy losses. But, in general, girlfriends help to get us through pregnancy loss, healthy pregnancy, and early parenting. We rely upon each other each step of the way. Be it the girlfriend who doesn't have children, but silently shares in your grief with tears in her eyes; the calm and grounded friend who listens endlessly; the friend who cries when she tells you she's pregnant with her second when you've just miscarried your first pregnancy; the friends that emailed, called, or sent cards after any loss. One friend baked us brownies after a miscarriage--saying that she knew that nothing probably helped, but maybe chocolate would. It did!

Who can you talk to? Who are the friends that you allow yourself to be vulnerable with? Do you feel alone among other women? How can you begin to feel more comfortable with girlfriends again? Can you talk to your partner or a family member? Family members are wonderful resources, but sometimes it can be even more helpful to talk to a friend. If you felt alone with your loss, or still feel alone with your pregnancy--try to think of someone that you could talk to, write a letter to, or email.

This week, let me reflect upon my true friends. These people have lightened my load and helped me when I've been heavy hearted. They remind me that sometimes all one needs to feel better is a hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to simply listen, hold my hand, or help me to laugh. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of who I am and who I was before I suffered a miscarriage--and they can help me see my strengths and weaknesses more clearly. If I am not connecting with other women because of my loss and current anxiety, help me to relax and release my shame. I need girlfriends to help me get through this time. I am truly blessed to have girlfriends in my life...and I want to radiate that feeling down to my growing baby.