Broken Parts

"I have woven a parachute out of everything broken." --William Stafford

One of the "gifts" after suffering a loss of any type is that you are given the opportunity to reevaluate your life and try to mend your heart and life to enable you to move forward. I know that there was no part of your miscarriage or miscarriages that felt like a gift--it was very difficult for me to ever find a silver lining. Pain is pain...and loss is loss. The only positives that came out of the losses were my own personal growth and the deeper bond between my husband and I.

Many people tried to comfort me with the adage,"everything happens for a reason." Sometimes people are implying that something went wrong with the baby and the miscarriage was nature's way of taking care of the problem. I always felt this was extremely insensitive, even if the person's intentions were good and even if there was a genetic problem with the baby. Sometimes people say "everything happens for a reason" and mean it in a larger sense--a spiritual sense--that this loss needed to occur. I have really struggled with this concept in my life. On the one hand, I believe that there is always something to be learned from a horrible situation--so no situation is without some bit of gleaning about the world/life/people etc. However, I also believe that there is suffering in the world that is terrible and unexplainable--meaning there is no reason it had to happen (think about the Holocaust, a child being hit by a car, senseless violent crimes). After grappling with this issue, I have come to some peace in the idea that my God is a loving God--and doesn't enjoy seeing us suffer senselessly either. I believe that there are terrible losses that God wishes didn't happen as well--and miscarriage is one of them. This way of thinking helped me to build my "parachute" to cope with my pregnancies after loss.

Have you been able to mend your broken parts to help you cope with your current pregnancy? Do you feel guilty in loving this new baby? How do you conceive of your miscarriage and God's role in it, if any? What words were most comforting to you after your loss?

Help me to see my broken parts clearly and continue to help me try to heal them. I want to heal these sad and hurting parts before this baby arrives--and in time to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. Help me to make sense of why suffering and loss occurs and to cope with its aftermath. After I think about these topics, please help me to rest my tired mind.